Journey till 2008 had been great. I was quite an intelligent child at school. Took part in events, was good in painting and dance and have given a lot of proud moments to my parents. But seems that is not enough.
Its painful - to see that you have realized one of your dreams but losing out on another. Every girl would have this dream - at least some parts of it. Mine was simple and I was holding on to it like a child holding a kite flying - very dearly. I wanted to fall in love and get married - I can see eyebrows being raised. - Is it really such a big deal? Oh thats so simple... Not at my place, with my parents and their society.
Generally, I was on the lookout - really does love happen when you are monitoring? It dint. The pressure to go for an arranged marriage was strong once I was done with the course. But so was my fear towards the system. I prepared mentally for the process - yes, love and marriage is a process if its arranged. But that gnawing feeling was growing - I had changed, I had become more of "Me" (people who have transformed will understand this) and less of what other people wanted from me. My parents dint know me but they thought they were the best people to arrange the match.
But suddenly there was this silent knowledge - like gentle waves lapping at my feet - I knew it and was consumed. The dream had come true and but now arose another type of fear. I have heard "Pyaar kiya tho darna Kya" (When you are in love, what is there to fear) as a child but now I understood the meaning. The fear of acceptance, the weight of attachment, the burden of duty - I could feel it all really
I am still on the journey and still trying to reason with parents and society - but its freaking tough.
Its painful - to see that you have realized one of your dreams but losing out on another. Every girl would have this dream - at least some parts of it. Mine was simple and I was holding on to it like a child holding a kite flying - very dearly. I wanted to fall in love and get married - I can see eyebrows being raised. - Is it really such a big deal? Oh thats so simple... Not at my place, with my parents and their society.
Generally, I was on the lookout - really does love happen when you are monitoring? It dint. The pressure to go for an arranged marriage was strong once I was done with the course. But so was my fear towards the system. I prepared mentally for the process - yes, love and marriage is a process if its arranged. But that gnawing feeling was growing - I had changed, I had become more of "Me" (people who have transformed will understand this) and less of what other people wanted from me. My parents dint know me but they thought they were the best people to arrange the match.
But suddenly there was this silent knowledge - like gentle waves lapping at my feet - I knew it and was consumed. The dream had come true and but now arose another type of fear. I have heard "Pyaar kiya tho darna Kya" (When you are in love, what is there to fear) as a child but now I understood the meaning. The fear of acceptance, the weight of attachment, the burden of duty - I could feel it all really
I am still on the journey and still trying to reason with parents and society - but its freaking tough.
Sam,I know what being me means :)
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