1 To weave cultural religions

This blog was started when I was in a middle of a turmoil - in the head and heart. I always believe that we are in a situation because we are required to learn from it.

When Al and me started seeing each other, it was a dream come true. But from the start we dint fool each other into believing that its going to be easy - to either convince the parents or for ourselves. But he told me that he always knew that it will be beautiful - enough to take the effort of three and half years to persuade people to celebrate our love.

Love. Parents.Friends. Disappointment. Beaches. Frustration. Coffee shops. Hibernation. Office. Bikes - All the essential masalas of a successful script are part of ours too.
In the process we have grown as individuals - as a daughter and son, a partner, a friend, a believer. Each of my roles have become more connected to what I am rather than the hollow individual I was.

Countless arguments, endless tears - nothing to stand against religion. I abhored the concept, abused god men, tried explaning the similarities, the nice qualities - nothing worked.

It was our constant support to each other, patience and time that won the deal. It took our days but gifted us with moments. Moments of clandestine meeting, that quick hug, the side glance and the phone calls where I could only tap for a reply in silence. There have been the other moments too - those tense and difficult ones which are better forgotten.We have lost some things on the way too.

We searched for resources to help us understand our differences - to tell us how to proceed, whether we are in the right direction. There were some but there was a dearth of online material or physical friends who are in the same boat - even a record of similar feelings, and sentiments would make you feel accepted. How they handled the parents, the children, the food, the festivals, culture, relatives and the list goes on.... 
The relief in meeting someone who has done the same thing, talking about the experience and difficulty cannot be had from reading bits and pieces here and there.

I am starting to record how we went about it - the convincing part, the parents meeting, the relatives talks, the home visits. I know that there is no one way common to all and everything might not work in the same manner. 

And yes, the title says it correctly - Culture comes before religion.

2 Expressions - mushy mushy

It can be that pasta
That card made out of a wedding card
Just a letter saying sorry with a knot and flower from my garden
That small colourful butterfly made out of thermocol

The lunch that you pack for me
while dad opens the elevator ready to pack me off
followed by the call from that bus saying I have boarded
the specifics of horlicks and the temperature of milk every night

To continuosly tell that she is the most irritating person in this world
to say I love someone much more than her
to fight when her partner calls in the midst of our coversation
for her to get angry and concerned when I am not right

To just lie around, to pounce and light up when you bite the toes
the softness of that fur and that indifferent nature when I meet you outside

The calmness that takes out everything on the mind to leave just peace
The deep blue green colour that makes me want to sit there eternally
Crowned in the evening with a golden glow
Just the experience that you are

 Lovely people, cuddly pets, different times but in my heart right now all together.. Happy Valentines Day!

1 On Dreams that come true

Journey till 2008 had been great. I was quite an intelligent child at school. Took part in events, was good in painting and dance and have given a lot of proud moments to my parents. But seems that is not enough.

Its painful - to see that you have realized one of your dreams but losing out on another. Every girl would have this dream - at least some parts of it. Mine was simple and I was holding on to it like a child holding a kite flying - very dearly. I wanted to fall in love and get married - I can see eyebrows being raised. - Is it really such a big deal? Oh thats so simple... Not at my place, with my parents and their society.

Generally, I was on the lookout - really does love happen when you are monitoring? It dint.  The pressure to go for an arranged marriage was strong once I was done with the course. But so was my fear towards the system. I prepared mentally for the process - yes, love and marriage is a process if its arranged. But that gnawing feeling was growing - I had changed, I had become more of "Me" (people who have transformed will understand this) and less of what other people wanted from me. My parents dint know me but they thought they were the best people to arrange the match.

But suddenly there was this silent knowledge - like gentle waves lapping at my feet - I knew it and was consumed. The dream had come true and but now arose another type of fear. I have heard "Pyaar kiya tho darna Kya" (When you are in love, what is there to fear) as a child but now I understood the meaning. The fear of acceptance, the weight of attachment, the burden of duty - I could feel it all really

I am still on the journey and still trying to reason with parents and society - but its freaking tough.