Child abuse is common - but so is women abuse. It is difficult to trace child abuse because children either do not understand the touch or fail to communicate out of fear or shame. Women abuse is confusing and subtle - even for a well-informed women. It is a way of life for women but it still leaves a stain.
Once when I went for a Hair spa (an exception), and since it was an unisex spa, a male hair dresser was assigned to the task of placating my hair. It was expensive but the guy did a good job of massaging the head and the shoulders. But when it came to the shoulders and the back, I was extremely uncomfortable. Even though, I wanted to think that it was ok, it was not ok for me to let some random male touch me even under required circumstances. Some conflicting thoughts due to cultural conditioning. Add to it the fact that this guy was smiling at another guy periodically - as if to say "See .. I am touching her". I decided for all my modern thoughts about men-women, I am not going to get a massage done by a guy again.
My paati (paternal grand-mom) had seven children all of whom were delivered with the help of a male doctor. She talks about this doctor in a reverent manner - she still wishes that he is alive so that she can solve her ailments in a second.(Do we have doctors like this anymore?). In the US, I have heard that male gynaes do an excellent job. But how do I trust - I have equally heard of horror stories of doctors capturing patients in hidden cameras. I also have a doctor friend who told me that one of his acquaintances (a dermatologist) asks patients to remove clothes to examine even small complains - just to feel them. He had openly admitted this but not much could be done. He warns me against going to any male doctor.
On a visit to Delhi to my maternal grand-parent's home, I had a severe skin infection on my breasts. We went to well-known female doc and she referred us to a male dermatologist just to check that this was just eczema and not a symptom of breast cancer.(Yes. Breat cancer can also start with a skin infection on the top layer). I had no way out but to get examined by this person. He was a middle-aged man but I made sure that my aunt stayed in the room when he performed the analysis. It was really embarrassing but we got through it fast. I had some trust because I trusted the other doctor who had referred us.
And for all the men who are 'Ladies tailors', whenever they start measuring the breasts I become all tense. Some exploit at this stage - they touch the breast or the side or the hips. Can I just start screaming right there? No I cant. Was it intentional - I will never know.
I have written about My car driving stints here. This is when I attended the classes for the second time in Bangalore. I chose a guy instructor because lady instructors did not train on weekends and on Santro. The first few classes were good. When I was learning the reverse drive I could not get the vehicle to move in the right space. This guy steers the car suddenly and the problem is there is not too much space between the steering and me! He touches me and I know its intentional - but I did not want to create a scene. I just made sure I dont go driving with him after that. But the incident was already past.
Some questions
1. How many of you are completely comfortable getting styling services from men?
2. How do you know that a man is not exploiting you when providing any service?
3. Are you comfortable going to a male gynecologist and letting them guide you during the pregnancy?
Once when I went for a Hair spa (an exception), and since it was an unisex spa, a male hair dresser was assigned to the task of placating my hair. It was expensive but the guy did a good job of massaging the head and the shoulders. But when it came to the shoulders and the back, I was extremely uncomfortable. Even though, I wanted to think that it was ok, it was not ok for me to let some random male touch me even under required circumstances. Some conflicting thoughts due to cultural conditioning. Add to it the fact that this guy was smiling at another guy periodically - as if to say "See .. I am touching her". I decided for all my modern thoughts about men-women, I am not going to get a massage done by a guy again.
My paati (paternal grand-mom) had seven children all of whom were delivered with the help of a male doctor. She talks about this doctor in a reverent manner - she still wishes that he is alive so that she can solve her ailments in a second.(Do we have doctors like this anymore?). In the US, I have heard that male gynaes do an excellent job. But how do I trust - I have equally heard of horror stories of doctors capturing patients in hidden cameras. I also have a doctor friend who told me that one of his acquaintances (a dermatologist) asks patients to remove clothes to examine even small complains - just to feel them. He had openly admitted this but not much could be done. He warns me against going to any male doctor.
On a visit to Delhi to my maternal grand-parent's home, I had a severe skin infection on my breasts. We went to well-known female doc and she referred us to a male dermatologist just to check that this was just eczema and not a symptom of breast cancer.(Yes. Breat cancer can also start with a skin infection on the top layer). I had no way out but to get examined by this person. He was a middle-aged man but I made sure that my aunt stayed in the room when he performed the analysis. It was really embarrassing but we got through it fast. I had some trust because I trusted the other doctor who had referred us.
And for all the men who are 'Ladies tailors', whenever they start measuring the breasts I become all tense. Some exploit at this stage - they touch the breast or the side or the hips. Can I just start screaming right there? No I cant. Was it intentional - I will never know.
I have written about My car driving stints here. This is when I attended the classes for the second time in Bangalore. I chose a guy instructor because lady instructors did not train on weekends and on Santro. The first few classes were good. When I was learning the reverse drive I could not get the vehicle to move in the right space. This guy steers the car suddenly and the problem is there is not too much space between the steering and me! He touches me and I know its intentional - but I did not want to create a scene. I just made sure I dont go driving with him after that. But the incident was already past.
Some questions
1. How many of you are completely comfortable getting styling services from men?
2. How do you know that a man is not exploiting you when providing any service?
3. Are you comfortable going to a male gynecologist and letting them guide you during the pregnancy?
