10 Is it ok to watch porn ouside the assembly?

The recent furore over the Karnataka minsters watching porn during assembly has led to the resignation of the three minsters. One of them(CC Pati) had recently commented on how girls should dress up to prevent themselves from getting raped. Does the resignation solve any of the underlying issues?

What is considered wrong in this scenario -
Watching porn during the assembly or watching porn when there was discussion?

Shouldn't the issue be 'not playing an active role in the live discussion in the house' (irrespective of what they did when should have been paying attention)? 
OR 'Watching porn'.

How long will our so-called public servants have no laws applicable to them?
As students and employees we have regulating guidelines and testing mechanisms that ensure that we do our work correctly. Why is there no such mechanism in place for politicians? If we take the law and courts to be this regulating authority, there is no argument against the fact that they have failed miserably in this matter. They don't seem to be accountable to any random statements they make in the name of Indian culture or to any disgraceful acts that are against women. These men cant even perform their tasks in the right manner.
Unless the judicial system is completely de-coupled from the government there can be no solace. According to theory, that is what a republic is meant to achieve.

The second issue of porn - as a women I am quite uncomfortable and against such actions. It is an animal-instinct that these videos propose to serve and that is what some men are admittedly becoming. There are too many justifications given on why men need the porn piece in their life.
"It is natural. Most guys and many girls watch it regularly. It does not cause any immediate harm to anyone - in fact it helps in releasing the pent up sexual energy."
But isn't it a fact too that it arouses sexual feelings and imagination? That it can make humans imagine things and want things with their partner which they might not be capable of? That the women on such strips are treated much like the dirt on their shoes?  One moment of deriving pleasure from this women and the next moment deriding her.

A prostitute deserves respect because her body is her business and if she uses it to earn money it is her choice. But what rights do men have to use them but slander the industry they help in growing? It is an impossible task to wipe this industry because it is impossible to wipe out lust and power from men's minds. Shifting the blame for existence of the industry from these men to these helpless women is a useless task. 

CC Patil's next statement - "The women in the video provoked me to watch their bodies. What do they think poor men can do when women purposefully entice them during assembly? If they were adorned with sarees maybe I would not have watched it" 
"I think it was a female virus that attacked my computer and switched on that video clip"
and you can hear the Andhra DGP second him with "Aye! Aye sir!"

9 Blood, Sweat & Tears

Economic times carried an article on an entrepreneur who has invented a machine for producing sanitary napkins. His pain, that propelled this invention, came out of abject poverty and unhygienic methods used by his lady family members during periods. Only 12% of Indian women use sanitary napkins and the market is dominated only by two players - J&J and P&G. And corporates are motivated towards profits (almost 1000% from each napkin) and a part of the profit dollars converts to Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR).

It is refreshing to see a man talking on the subject in an uninhibited manner - a guy belonging to the below-the-poverty line(he calls himself that) trying to understand the complexities and the taboo around the subject.
He observes that napkins are covered in black plastics at shops as if we are smugglers. The fact that even his wife is averse to broach this topic with him made it more difficult for his research methods to succeed. He had to use medical-college women and himself as specimens to test out his techniques.

Where is the need for education and money to be empathetic towards women and understand unfair social norms and customs that are against women? 

Watch him in this video - a truly inspiring one. To quote him - "No one dies because of poverty. It happens because of ignorance"

How many of us educated individuals are still living in ignorance? In fact, many men choose to live in ignorance on menstrual issues. Men choose not to learn or be empathetic towards women. 

Related Posts: Being untouchable during periods

5 the Fight between Equality & Culture

Equality has several meanings but does it convey anything?

There are courses and lessons on this subject. Is it something to be learnt or should it come naturally? We can talk about this to children and students.

Tell them that men and women are created equal and should be treated equal.
What if the same child goes back home and sees his mom doing the cooking, serving guests, always eating after dad or sometimes with dad, running around, never stopping to do house work.
Is she employed? No. All housework can be justified saying husband earns, wife takes care of home. Not that it is a great excuse. But mom is employed but still she manages to do all work while dad comes back home and relaxes. No one even asks him to pick up what he dropped on the ground, or dry and fold the clothes nor get something from the shop.

Tell them that all men are equal.
What happens when they hear the racism news in Britain or when US is referred to as "First among Equals"? When you talk that you want only a Telugu brahmin for your son so that she can fit in the big happy Telugu family. Not any other brahmin - there are way too much differences. When you talk to your maid of 60 years without respect neither in language not your act.You speak for the reservation bill and fight for your OBC status though you have wealth that can be enjoyed by next 5 generations. There are still Kings, Masters, Upper-castes, Owners, Superiors and Godmen. Equally there are slaves, robots, shudras, workers and followers. Still white and foreign, black and untouchable, cigarette and bad men, fashionable dressing and rape-victims. 

Tell them that animals deserve equal and humane consideration.
But you ignore when an animal is bleeding on the road - could it have been saved? You overlook that dog-snatching vehicle even though you have seen horrendous pictures of dead piles lying together. You take your eyes off the chicken that hang from the motorcycle, their bodies dangling to the spokes and eyes fixated on death. 

How do you teach grown-ups 'respect for equality' when it goes against the 'respect for culture'? 

Every human being yearns for comfort - what is more comfortable? - Relaxing and watching TV or thinking about your mom/sister/wife (equivalent to your servants)?  And this comfort is protected by his very own Dadima who say men should do exactly that, relax, lest they become fragile.
According to culture, you need to get married within your caste. And Britain and US anyways are too westernized - obviously have fallen 'out' of culture - Racists.
And traditionally you are not supposed to keep dogs and pets. They are unclean.
A bahu is supposed to nurture the family, satisfy her son & produce Khaandan, and sometimes go to work and get money too. Meanwhile the son is supposed get money, all right, but thats it.The bahu needs to take care of in-laws and not the son taking care of his mother.

How do you strive for equality in one sense but completely oppose equality in another area?

Talk against reservation but expect 'lower-castes' to do certain work. Talk about being secular but call women a lesser gender. Do only some areas deserve you trying to balance the scales. What are the areas - gender, region, religion, creations, nationality - in which you fight for equality and what are the areas that you stomp on?

What do you do when your child sees this happening not at your place but at the neighbours? Do you tell them they are following wrong culture or our culture is different?
Do you manage to set a good example without being discriminating?

0 Beauty heavens

I visit the parlor once every 45 days to get basic services done - waxing and sometimes pedicure. I really dont have the patience to go there - I just wish it was sophisticated for women to have hair in the hand like men and eyebrows as unruly as a pony. Alas.. times have changed and you are expected to follow some basic routines. All these parlors expect you to book an appointment and also ask for your preferred service personnel - I never ask for one. I expect all of them to have some basic knowledge. And waxing is basic.

At Chennai, I struggled initially to find a service that would suit me. I am quite finicky when it comes to donating my body for the plucking experience - I expect a separate room, undisturbed and calm, clean sheets, well-spoken,efficient & aware staff AND a relaxed approach.

'Not relaxed' is when you are made to feel you are a wooden piece that needs to be cut and polished by carpenters who have to grind 1000 pieces in the next few hours. The lady provides me with a change of dress and rushes back in a minute. Usually, there are two women who simultaneously set out on the task of honing my skin. There seems to a lot of time crunch. Fata-fat - Apply powder, the wax (sometimes ridiculously hot!), place the tissue and pull. and Pull. Apply and PULL. Just PULL. My skin is treated like a product - not like a human being's skin.

In the middle of it, when you are gloriously sitting half-exposed and feigning to read a magazine while wincing in pain, there are other ladies who keep interrupting - 'Give me the wax, the powder and tweazer'.  
Give me a break - I am not yet ready to expose to everyone and appear as a sensational cover piece.
To top it all, they keep talking in languages I don't understand - Are they saying "Oh look, how fat she is", "Look at the legs, they are like pillars", "Just be done fast, she will not give us more business", "Lets sell more, Try the dupe strategy". It might not be so bad but I find it rude when they chit-chat most of the time oblivious to my presence - again exactly like I am senseless furniture.

There are others who are incredibly slow - either because they are amateurs, scared to hurt you or simply want to please you. You can be assured that waxing will take an hour and what is left is half-mowed hands. These ladies either try to act knowledgeable or don't know anything about the product that they use on me. They are inadequately trained on the benefits and cannot answer if asked about the difference in price or time. Coming to the 'Acting I am a beautician' types - they try to put maska saying 'your hair is nice but ... ', 'the skin is so soft but...'. And after the but is the sales pitch. If you ask them further questions they are caught.

There is a definite difference in attitude when you spend or appear classy. You are given the most-experienced hair dresser, clean towels and meted out superior treatments.

But I also wonder how much these women earn and how do they feel when pretentious women squander their money?Some beauty treatments might cost half of their month's salary. Are they jealous?
Its like catering to a queen's wish - sitting on a pedestal, pampering your legs, removing the dirt. Do they find it demeaning? Ofcourse, if they had chosen the profession by choice, the question of self-respect will not arise. But still envying, comparing, fantasizing is women's nature, at least a wee bit.

I have been parlor-hopping for quite a while - but have settled on one that is less torturous. For the other folks out there, hope you have found that perfect place where you dream of relaxing when they work on you. For those of you who have found that lady or house that lets you sit back and enjoy - I am jealous.

4 Ordinary vs Sexual touch - How do you know?

Child abuse is common - but so is women abuse. It is difficult to trace child abuse because children either do not understand the touch or fail to communicate out of fear or shame. Women abuse is confusing and subtle - even for a well-informed women. It is a way of life for women but it still leaves a stain.

Once when I went for a Hair spa (an exception), and since it was an unisex spa, a male hair dresser was assigned to the task of placating my hair. It was expensive but the guy did a good job of massaging the head and the shoulders. But when it came to the shoulders and the back, I was extremely uncomfortable. Even though, I wanted to think that it was ok, it was not ok for me to let some random male touch me even under required circumstances. Some conflicting thoughts due to cultural conditioning. Add to it the fact that this guy was smiling at another guy periodically - as if to say "See .. I am touching her". I decided for all my modern thoughts about men-women, I am not going to get a massage done by a guy again.

My paati (paternal grand-mom) had seven children all of whom were delivered with the help of a male doctor. She talks about this doctor in a reverent manner - she still wishes that he is alive so that she can solve her ailments in a second.(Do we have doctors like this anymore?). In the US, I have heard that male gynaes do an excellent job. But how do I trust - I have equally heard of horror stories of doctors capturing patients in hidden cameras. I also have a doctor friend who told me that one of his acquaintances (a dermatologist) asks patients to remove clothes to examine even small complains - just to feel them. He had openly admitted this but not much could be done. He warns me against going to any male doctor.

On a visit to Delhi to my maternal grand-parent's home, I had a severe skin infection on my breasts. We went to well-known female doc and she referred us to a male dermatologist just to check that this was just eczema and not a symptom of breast cancer.(Yes. Breat cancer can also start with a skin infection on the top layer). I had no way out but to get examined by this person. He was a middle-aged man but I made sure that my aunt stayed in the room when he performed the analysis. It was really embarrassing but we got through it fast. I had some trust because I trusted the other doctor who had referred us.

And for all the men who are 'Ladies tailors', whenever they start measuring the breasts I become all tense. Some exploit at this stage - they touch the breast or the side or the hips. Can I just start screaming right there? No I cant. Was it intentional - I will never know.

I have written about My car driving stints here. This is when I attended the classes for the second time in Bangalore. I chose a guy instructor because lady instructors did not train on weekends and on Santro. The first few classes were good. When I was learning the reverse drive I could not get the vehicle to move in the right space. This guy steers the car suddenly and the problem is there is not too much space between the steering and me! He touches me and I know its intentional - but I did not want to create a scene. I just made sure I dont go driving with him after that. But the incident was already past.

Some questions
1. How many of you are completely comfortable getting styling services from men?
2. How do you know that a man is not exploiting you when providing any service?
3. Are you comfortable going to a male gynecologist and letting them guide you during the pregnancy?

0 Safe(ci)ty for women

From the place where I board the office bus to my house, its hardly a 2 minute walk. Its a very busy road and it is a challenge to cross over when needed. One of the days, a young boy who must be around 16 years tried to grapple me when I was entering my house gate. Somehow I managed to wriggle out but my screaming was totally dampened by the traffic. There was so much anger that I wished that I had at least slapped him or kicked him. But it happened so fast that I had no time to react! From then on I am quite anxious when a motorcycle or a cyclist comes too near.

I have heard this from friends that Chennai is comparatively a safer city than Delhi and Bangalore.
But is this safety measured only on the number of rapes? Do women feel unsafe only because of rape? What about the stares that we get, the attitude with which men address you and the work culture at office? What about the innumerable instances when you feel helpless and wish you had some supernatural power to attack or curse a man?

I know that Delhi is pretty unsafe but when it comes to Bangalore its not so. I have lived in Bangalore and not had too many unpleasent experiences. I can dress the way I want and not too many people stare at me. There have been instances where men have misbehaved. But when it comes to Chennai, even if I am covered head to toe (extra toppings like duppatta are also added), men find enough reasons to make me feel that I am not covered at all.

There was this taxi guy who used to call out names everyday. He used to stop in front of the bus stand (I used to be all alone in the stop at that time) and lower the car windows and just look at me. I ignored this for another 2 months. But it gave me quite a scare when one day he got down from the car. That is when I informed my parents and my dad had to become my savior for the next few days. Its nothing embarrassing but I hate the fact that we need men to protect us from other men. When I am totally independent this thought arouses some kind of inadequacy.

Then there is office itself. You will find that women have to take pride in covering up. Women who dress in western formals or sleeveless are pulled by managers and advised on how to dress in a better manner. This is what they mean: As a women you are supposed to analyze your breasts and accordingly fold your dupatta in the right size and in a v-shape. This should be put across the shoulders and held using safety pins lest they expose your precious stuff. And if you dont do this you are giving permission to each and every man to ogle at them.It is their privilege since they are men. And you are being provocative.

I noticed the cafeteria lady today. She is using her dupatta like a pallu of a saree - going from the right shoulder onto her hips - similar to how you tie a dupatta during dance practice. But here she is just distributing tokens.

Throughout, the illusion of 'Safety' is provided because you use safety pins, dupattas and have men who accompany you everywhere. Despite all this, if something goes wrong, definitely its because of the woman who is careless in dressing and miss the daily dose of safety pins.

0 Gender-equality: a word with no Indian meaning

Sunday morning newspaper and the first headline snippet reads "The Unsafe sex".
As I read more, the story of the some Indian women and rape victims were creating some kind of helplessness in me. The state of women in India is disgusting, sad and hopeless.

In a rape case, the accused gives his justifications to the rape as "She used to talk on her phone about private matters in front of me. I felt if she's doing that, then she's become mine (Woh meri apni ho gayi)."
So Men actually OWN a women, it means you can sexually enjoy her without her consent . Its like owning a dog or better a toy that does not have any choices in life.
What private matters - what max could the girl have talked outside her place and what a decent value to eavesdrop on others and think they are stimulating?

And then we come to the family and the society support part - our Indian society, the culture, values and the family system protects us right?  Sure. That is why the blame game also finds the victim as the perpetrator of the crime - because she is too liberated and she has invited it all on herself. Parents are more bothered about the shame on the family and what to do with their daughter.

"Women have become more assertive and men are not able to accept that and use heinous ways to punish them.". Why have men suddenly become the justice-bearers especially in women issues?

It is also shocking that rapists have been known to the victims in 97% of the cases (reported ones). Women trust and this is the price they pay.

Another statistic shows that even though overall Indian economic wellness has increased that of women taken separately has reduced. The number is lesser than even countries like Pakistan. We are worse off than Afghanistan in representation of women in governments.  

What worsens the problem? Our most talked women problems.
Seeing marriage as the destination for women
Seeing women as Parent's burden and responsibility
Treating women as an object rather than a human being

The solution involves a turnover of mindset of lot of Indian men and women too. It has to start at home where boys and girls are treated equally, taught that house work needs to be shared and parents are equal responsibility. Kids can be caught early. There are books where the plot does suggest gender-neutral roles. Why not have a hour each month at school about gender-issues- based on some activities and real examples children can go a long way in teaching and correcting others at home too.  

Many corporates have mandatory training on Gender equality and sexual harassment. There are mailers sent on these but are these paid heed to? It would be great if corporates have appraisals linked to regular courses on gender-equality not only at workplace but also at home. After all, the wife at home is an employee somewhere. The husband needs to respect that and learn to balance the work-home equation.

Most bloggers would be aware of child abuse but have we taken the step to educate our children clearly about child abuse  - there are some special videos on You tube for this. Why not conduct a simple session for the neighborhood kids too - their parents might not be too aware or are too busy?

There is a lack of compassion and empathy in our minds towards women. Especially when it comes to women victims. Most of us feel that will never be 'Me'. Most of us do not take action unless we are the victims ourselves. Our small steps might help someone in the future to treat women right.

3 Making sense of society-approved marriages

Discriminations that percolate our lives are countless. Common ones when it comes to marriages are caste, religion, money, skin color and the Gender. These dividing factors hide behind the facade of religion, culture and even some scientific reasons like men are physically stronger than women. But such marriages are loved by our society - after all only because of their unabated approval do they thrive.

1.Forced marriage into wealthy family - with total parental approval 

Wealth makes this family highly-respected . You will realize that many of the conditions are dropped. Wealth overpowers caste and regional differences.

The girl(G) was in love with another guy for 6 years. The boy from this wealthy family notices her at some marriage and decides that she is the one. Goes back to his mom and the family decides to pock her as the DIL. Wait - it is more of a demand to the Girl's parents. But our G's parents are one with typical Indian values (Does Indian value tell you to ditch a person you love and get married to another?) Never mind. She is forced to give up on her love and agree to this marriage. She has a kid now and seems to be very happy. Recently when spotted in a wedding we couldn't differentiate between the gold and her:-).  

Is this a 'love at first sight' marriage? Atleast for the guy - physical love or maybe it was intuition or 'purva janma bandhan' at work.But lets dig a little deeper into the highly-respected family's relationships (conditions are totally relaxed.) The MIL has two husbands. So now, our G has 2 FILs. How lucky:). There is nothing wrong with polyandry- when men have so many wives and also mistresses at least the MIL has the audacity to legally marry both of them. But if this had been a love marriage scenario - can you even imagine the opposition that G would have faced. Here the only game-changer has been Money.

2. Arranged to finish parent's responsibilities

S got married at 23 not because she wanted to but her parent's wanted their duties to be done. Pakka arranged marriage. Now, she is 25 with a baby in hand. For the past 2 years, she has hardly spoken to any of her friends or family - even her own mom. She has restricted access to the outside world be it the internet or the telephone - her MIL is constantly monitoring. (Does't it sound like she has some health condition or is in Jail?). She confides to her friend last week that there are too many problems. Worst is her FIL misbehaving with her. And she has been strictly instructed by him that she should not share this with anyone. And who is going to believe her anyways - her MIL or her husband? They will be too concerned about preserving the family honor lest this issue leaks out. This is another kind of highly respected family.

3. Arranged but struggling to stay married
I have written about C in this post. She is pregnant now but with her husband having extra-marital affair and exchanging messages throughout the night. She will stay put there - the baby is due anytime. And its the rule that women have to adjust always.

Even in an choice marriages(Arranged/Love) these situations are possible but support sources are stronger. Either the lady has supportive parents (because they were in the right mind to let her choose) or best she has a supportive husband. Parents often say "If you marry according to our norms, we will always be there to support you" - what can parents do in these scenarios?
In these life snapshots, what is the Indian culture that we are upholding? What is it that irks people about a choice marriage? Why should elders decide everything - from the sex muhurtham to when to molest a DIL?

What is the use of family if women have to sacrifice everything - time, money, self-respect, love - to keep it in place?

4 The uncalled match-makers

I recently attended a wedding because someone had to accompany my mom. I usually avoid social gatherings especially marriage scenarios where I feel that I have been put on the showcase. Most people I met dint know me but were anxious to know about my marital status. And my toes are the most prized possessions during this quest - people expect you to wear the metti (toe ring) if you are married.

After my toe is scrutinized, I can see that they are facing some difficulty examining my neck. This is a huge task - after all the same group expects me to be wrapped in cloth head to toe. Second, the neck is covered by ornaments. The result is that the black beads or Golden mangalsutru is camouflaged. Finally, they see none of the wedlock indications. Still, this has to be verified thoroughly.

Person: Hello. How are you doing?
Me: I am doing good Uncle. How are you? (Not even in my dreams do I know this person. Nor am I interested! Excited "I am related to you" tone. Not good.)
Person: Good Good. So you are the bride's paternal Grand-mom's cousin's grand-daughter? You look so much like your mom.
Me: (Tired trying to understand the relation.. nevertheless trying to make my brain connect the dots. And this was really the relationship at this wedding!) Hmmmm
Person: So, what are you doing? Still studying?
Me: (Little happy - Do I look like I am still studying.Great I am looking younger. Yippee! Brakes... you know what this question is leading to) No Uncle. I work in an MNC doing "you cannot understand the work" job.
Person: Oh.. thats nice. My niece works in the same company. Do you know her? She works in Area5 in Chennai.
Me: (My company has a strength of 1 lakh +.. and how does it even matter? The conversation is entering the danger zone) No. I dont know her.
Person: Are you married?
Me: (So blatant.. who the f*** does he think he is, acting as a mediator or saviour to help poor me from singledom) No
Person: Are your parents looking for someone?
Me: (Can I say No? what does he expect? I am going to marry someone - you have a problem?) Yes
Person: We are looking for one of my nephews - He is blah blah. What is you birth year?
Me: 83. (Loved this part)
Person: (Trying hard to calculate my age.. after done his expression becomes a little tense.Oh! 83?
Me: We are leaving. Take care. (Abruptly I leave my seat and find one somewhere else)

The entire attitude of the couple changed. His wife joined in giving me a stare and in wondering why has the girl not yet been married? How can he ask a personal question in a crowd. Is this being decent? Who gave him the authority to question about my age? Society makes you feel inadequate and answerable for your intensely personal decisions.

I dint escape with one such conversation that day - there were 2 more which I deftly avoided. Most women get married because of this pressure and to avoid situations such as these. Most Indians cannot draw the line between a personal and a public issue. A marriage is a joint public decision - a long as it remains that way we can see a lot more volunteers plundering the system and its relationships.

0 If I can frame the Society's rules ulta-pulta

The title of the post is reminiscent of kid's essay topics like "If I were the Prime Minister" or "If I were the President of USA":). Days when you could run wild and your imagination can take your lead.

How different would the world be if rules were framed keeping women in mind or better advantageous to them? Here are some samples.

• A girl is born: Its celebration time.Girls should be treated like a Queen the moment they are born.
• Maturity: When women menstruate, men should be secluded in the room and provided meals when required. They should just isolate themselves and stop annoying women in the household. Women can definitely take care of themselves during this period not bothered about how to satisfy every man's need.
• When a guy ogles at a girl: Do you think this will be possible at all? But if at all it happens, women have every right to embarrass the guy. She can scream, slap right across his face and demand that he pay her in dollars. If not demand whatever she wants if caught. Its rule of the land that men cant escape - they have to pay back.
• When there is a rape: Again, do you think this can happen? But there will be exceptions. So here, if found guilty the women can right away kill the person if she wants it. The decision lies with the lady.
• Marriage: The girl gets to choose between staying with her family or independently. There is a huge amount of dowry involved when marrying an educated and 'lots of attitude' girl. This had to be paid by the grrom and conditions are set by the bride's family. "You need to get 3 sets of diamond necklaces for our daughter. 4 cars of the latest model should do. And make sure that your son knows to cook paneer sabzi and Aloo Bindi. She like them a lot." (Are we too far from such conversations?)
• Pregnancy: Husbands, you have a tough 10 months ahead. You need to go to office and take care at home - completely. Maybe, you should opt for work-from-home option.
• Children: Offices should have nurseries where men can take care of their children. The wife can choose to leave her child with the husband and just roam around or take care of her work.

If these were the rules, this is how daily life would be:

Ads in Matrimonial Column reads:
"Wanted groom for a Girl 5 ft 8, 28 yrs, Highly educated and independent. Groom should be a good cook, attended courses on emotional intelligence (EQ), should have mother/sisters/cousin sisters - highly educated and working moms, willing to work-at-home when needed"

Times Now Headlines reads:

Politics: Reservation Bill to be passed today by the house
The Progress party (Congress seems to be a con. Since women are in power they would have changed it to a pro) and the BMP (Bharatiya Mahila party) have voted in favor of the reservation bill. This will allow men to show restricted participation in running the country ('Restricted' is better than 'Equal').Over the period of 20 years, the dwindling population of men and their misbehavior has ensured that very few have reached the peak in politics. This was closed in by the law passed during the Progress party tenure which states "An MP should have basic qualifications (degree in law, education, medicine, social service or experience in any relevant field)" - Since most men are not encouraged by parents to study, many have not reached this level. The Bill aims to reserve 20% of the seats for eligible male citizens who are really interested in building the nation.

National: Sex Ratio in Uttar Pradesh
7th billion baby 'Nargis Vinita' was born today in Lucknow, Uttar Pradesh to proud parents Vinita and Ajay. The nation is overjoyed by the fact that this number has been associated with the female child which represents the power of India. Over the years, mothers have ensured that their children are born equally and hence deserve life equally. This is seen from the numbers in UP's sex ratio. It has improved considerably from 899:1000(M:F) to the current figure of 968:1000 (M:F).

Careers: Men are worried about Bottle Casings
A recent research reveals that in the corporate world, women outnumber men in key positions. The representation of men in the board is a meager 10% in the Fortune 500 companies. Ever since the realization that women are better at decision making, handling complexity and emotional situations their rise to the top has been phenomenal. On the other hand, the popular notion about men has been that they worry too much about competing rather that working together, rely on numbers rather than intuition and are incapable of juggling between home life and work. Their constant struggle to climb the corporate ladder has been constricted by the Bottle Casing. Lots of men work at lower level (inside the bottle) but are unable to prove their worth to be at the top to make it big in the outside world.

6 When are you tying the knot?

The famous question.. and while I am uttering "Not yet" I am mentally answering "It does not concern you" or "Right now, I dont want to get married".

This must be the most frequently asked question that I encounter and if Life was on Facebook, I would have pressed "Unlike" 1000 times! Every second person who meets a girl who is of sane mind and marriageable age (difficult to mention a number here.. In India for a women this could be from 5 - ? .. I don't have a problem with the ? but with the 5!) has to be
1. A match maker 2. a well-wisher who is concerned 3.knows a 'fair, tall, handsome, working in MNC groom' who would just fit the bill.
Now, this question has gone beyond just being mentioned during meetings to even over the mails and on social sites. People are really interested in my life. I guess I am a celebrity.

Its plain embarrassing when 2 mamis (ladies) meet and start talking about a bright groom from Stanford living in the USA but with traditional values. About how their parents are in India searching for a suitable homely bride with high qualifications (means an MBA or PhD) who is rooted to the Indian culture and respects elders and should come from a highly-respected family. NO one knows what high-respected family means here. Its one of those words that is subjective and confusing. These mamis are very confident that  since the parents are religious and cultural, the progeny follows the same. Somewhere during our evolution from childhood to an adult, when we learn to grow independent, the values of parents differs from ours. Here the Progeny become a Congeny ;-) for the parents.

But our mamis are oblivious to this.

There are no second thoughts - If you are single you need to be married immediately. Its their duty. What if I am committed, despise arranged marriages, or simply want to stay single and happy? Why should I sacrifice my career and move to the USA?

Ultimately, girls and their parents are made to beleive that marriage is an essential stage to be happy and successful in life. Atleast, once married these questions will not arise - "Is something wrong with your daughter", "Is she impure", "Is she planning to run away"? Harsh. But true.

So parents heave a sigh of relief when the occasion happens. But, we are women - the inquisitiveness over our life does not stop here.  
The next stage is "Any good news?", "When will I become a grand-mother?". My sister-in-law faces this every other day.  This question is never posed to married men. Making babies is the woman's business.