Friday, October 21, 2011

0 Swapping self-esteem for marriage

Typical day at work. After the honking bus journey, it was finally time for breakfast:). Yes I quite look forward to this because I get to meet my adda friends.

I have noticed around me that many of my colleagues are caught in marriage fiasco at this stage. Either its parents not agreeing, arranged marriage tension, relationship problems - everything revolves around the pressure to get married and of course this one is dot on Girls!

My friend and I started our usual conversation - the topic was a common friend (C) who was to deliver in another 2 months.
F: Know what! C was upset today. Her husband is messaging another woman at 2:30 in the night. Seems this has been happening quite often.
M: Really! Is she sure or just doubting unnecessarily? (Dint want to believe it was happening.. wishing it was not happening actually)
F: Nopes.. she has also seen them together multiple times and shes in a fix.

Oh Boy! Another marriage turning sour. C is a nice girl with a lot of common sense and this is what happens to her. Hers is an arranged marriage in the traditional Muslim community. Such girls don't even dare to think of other ways of getting married.
M: Hmmm. But I thought her hubby T was a good person.. thats how she used to portray him.. but a little too attached to the mother.. and their community it might be difficult to prevent this going further too. Why doesn't she tell this to her in-laws?
F: Birds of a feather flock together! His dad had two wives .. and T was from the first marriage. His step-mother would not dare to say anything against this nor his dad.

These conversations are nothing new we have.. its just that here the man should be totally heartless and is making use of religious laws to circumvent the wrong he is doing. It will be difficult for C to walk-out - her child is about to come, and her community will never understand her. For a person who is always put her religious and community views above their personal views, its difficult to come to terms with reality. C is like any of us - born in a great family, good parents, but lacking independence that many of us take for granted. I sometimes wonder how Muslim women (sometimes even other exploited women) reason with life - on gender-bias, on being treated like an object. Wont they envy others who can flaunt their jewelery, clothes (basic necessity for women).

This reminded me of Khaled Hosseini's novel "A Thousand Splendid Suns" - a beautiful book. This portrays Afghan women who lose their self-esteem in their struggle to survive. Ironically, one of the main character's name coincides with T. But in the book, T comes back for his love after several years, but here for my friend its left to real life.


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