Monday, November 28, 2011

0 Fearry Rides

There are some fears that you can never get over with, partly because you are vulnerable, a women or a human being - makes you capable of being irrational.

This tiny insect has enough power to make me leap like a frog and howl like I have seen a ghost. My parents have got used to this scene but I am yet to give a respectable glance to this creature. I have been tortured by nightmares where I am in a room full of cockroaches or am being chased by one. The other day one of them emerged from the clothes and I ran into my room at lightening speed - God save my soul!
Yesterday I killed a small one (the size of my little finger nail) - one side of me was happy because of the accomplishment; the other side guilty of the murder instinct.
What is it that scares me - I have tried to logically tell my brain that it is but an insect. But the mere thought of its wings and flight and my brain tells me, he can approach and conquer you in an instinct. Hmmm.. finally recognized that it is their unpredictable flight combined with the desire to attack me. Same goes for the grass hopper.. they have joined the gang too.

Talking to a stranger is not acceptable but helping people on the road is a huge yes. And mostly people who seek help are strangers? The other day, a man appeared in a bike out of nowhere and started pleading for money - all in excellent English. His plead was that he did not have petrol in the bike and he has to go far. If I could just give him some change, he can manage. Now the mind goes like this - Is this an act or am I getting over-worked? After all some money, why dont I just give it? Wont I feel guilty if I dont help? I decided to hand him some change - traded money for guilt - and decided to walk away. Suddenly he started asking me weird questions. Do you live here? Are you a punjabi - you look like one. What is you name? Blah Blah. I realized I had made a mistake giving the money and quickly walked away. Luckily, my house was a step away. The mind likes to imagine the worst - is he trying to dupe you? Kidnap you? Observing you?
I decided the next time a stranger approaches and if I am alone I am not going to help. It is too risky. The victim of my decision was an old man yesterday - I refused to him five rupees when I was alone in the bus stand. Guilty or not.

Chennai autowalas are famous - but there are good and bad ones. All the stories that you read in newspapers seem to enhance an auto ride when it gets dark and sometimes the drivers decide to take you through short-cuts which are isolated. The mind comes under fear again - lonely, dark - dangerous. I start praying and offering bribes to god;-). But the other day, I got into an auto whose driver spoke excellent impeccable English. He was could talk on a wide array of topics - politics, traffic, policemen and the arguments were pretty good. I wondered as to why this guy was in an auto?But I was warned(by my mind) not to trust him and to stop talking too much.

Fear drives a lot of our decisions - Do you exercise because you are afraid that you will fall ill, dont want to be ridiculed as round or because you want to stay positive and healthy? Fear smiles when you pick that costly deo, that tasty fiber biscuits, pray to god willingly or unwillingly, go by car, get Pediasure and when you want to kill insects.


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