1 To weave cultural religions

This blog was started when I was in a middle of a turmoil - in the head and heart. I always believe that we are in a situation because we are required to learn from it.

When Al and me started seeing each other, it was a dream come true. But from the start we dint fool each other into believing that its going to be easy - to either convince the parents or for ourselves. But he told me that he always knew that it will be beautiful - enough to take the effort of three and half years to persuade people to celebrate our love.

Love. Parents.Friends. Disappointment. Beaches. Frustration. Coffee shops. Hibernation. Office. Bikes - All the essential masalas of a successful script are part of ours too.
In the process we have grown as individuals - as a daughter and son, a partner, a friend, a believer. Each of my roles have become more connected to what I am rather than the hollow individual I was.

Countless arguments, endless tears - nothing to stand against religion. I abhored the concept, abused god men, tried explaning the similarities, the nice qualities - nothing worked.

It was our constant support to each other, patience and time that won the deal. It took our days but gifted us with moments. Moments of clandestine meeting, that quick hug, the side glance and the phone calls where I could only tap for a reply in silence. There have been the other moments too - those tense and difficult ones which are better forgotten.We have lost some things on the way too.

We searched for resources to help us understand our differences - to tell us how to proceed, whether we are in the right direction. There were some but there was a dearth of online material or physical friends who are in the same boat - even a record of similar feelings, and sentiments would make you feel accepted. How they handled the parents, the children, the food, the festivals, culture, relatives and the list goes on.... 
The relief in meeting someone who has done the same thing, talking about the experience and difficulty cannot be had from reading bits and pieces here and there.

I am starting to record how we went about it - the convincing part, the parents meeting, the relatives talks, the home visits. I know that there is no one way common to all and everything might not work in the same manner. 

And yes, the title says it correctly - Culture comes before religion.

2 The wait for the real Republic day

Baiyion aur Behnon,

Happy Republic Day. Let us all pay respect by standing still when singing Jana gana mana, hoisting the flag and distributing sweets. Let us remember that our constitution came alive on this very day in 1950 with the notion of equality, liberty and fairness to all Indian citizens.

The rules are 61 years old and we still follow them. We are the generation that sings 'hum hain naye andaaz kyon ho purana?". Shame that they are outdated and need to change. Here are the reasons.

No one seems to remember what each of those words stand for - Equality, Liberty and Fairness? In the survey conducted across India with our un-filtered population these were the top-of-the-mind recall for these words.
Equality - Kwality icecreams.
Fairness - Fair & Lovely
Liberty - Statue of Liberty. Liberty shoes.

Second, where are the Indian citizens?
Born on the Indian land, women have aped and have fallen in the clutches of the western culture. Women going to pubs, attending parties, not being a 'cultured' bahu (cultured in a lab similar to rats and amoeba) should be left out. Men who speak for these insipid women and tagged as 'joru-ka-ghulam' are not eligible because they no longer dis-respect their wives - another criteria for Indian-ness. These men are confused about equality. You are supposed to act like the king and 'let' your wife go to work, 'let' her watch TV and go out. It is 'let' and not help or support.There goes 50% of the population.

Sophisticated and rich are those who allow their DILs, daughters, wives to be independent. Rebellious are women who live alone and have a mind of their own. Non-adjusting is that neighbor's wife on whom there is incessant complain from her MIL. Again, none of them behave like Indians. Another 10% reduction.

We are a rapidly dwindling race.. Gulp! Be alert that we might become extinct soon unless there are modifications and stringent conditions laid down for our survival.

A ray of hope comes from  the honor killings and their uphold of Indian values by killing your own kin. A noble deed done exactly for glorification of the constitutional principles. To eliminate fake and calamine-masked faces disguised as Indians but not fitting in that mold. After all its fair, isn't it, to protect our race.

Our census data must be entirely wrong. We should make another caste;sub-caste census.This will accumulate only 20% of the existing citizens who have stood up to their Indianness - the filtered elite lot. Laws and rules can be better drafted keeping this niche group's interest's in mind - promoting Indian culture; respect for elders without dwelling on capable/incapable decisions ; forceful continuation of all rules set by politicians and khap panchayats. And the satisfaction will be borne out of the fact that the constitution is finally serving its purpose. Drive the non-deserving lot out of India and live in peace.

Our constitution has hardly served all of our population - people who have experienced real equality, liberty and fairness. For it to be applicable and useful widely we need to first define what we mean by equality and fairness in the Indian context. We are still not free but held captive by our own minds.

Quote from John Start Mill thoughts on Philosophy and society.
 "No society in which these liberties are not, on the whole, respected, is free, whatever may be its form of government; and none is completely free in which they do not exist absolute and unqualified. The only freedom which deserves the name is that of pursuing our own good in our own way, so long as we do not attempt to deprive others of theirs, or impede their efforts to obtain it. Each is the proper guardian of his own health, whether bodily, or mental and spiritual. Mankind are greater gainers by suffering each other to live as seems good to themselves, than by compelling each to live as seems good to the rest"

Please note: All percentages are a hypothetical figure which emanated from my mind at that precise moment. You got it right - they portray the dwindling intelligence in every person who reads this;-)

2 To belief and belonging

I have avoided writing on some topics because they are too close to the heart and also unclear. They are groping in a state of confusion.

I know that I dont believe in organized religion - making you go to places of worship on a regular basis, praying without understanding, performing rituals because you are asked to.

When you step out, there are all sorts of people who will create chaos - when their core, which has blindly tottered, is made to stop and think. People who actually understand so little about their own choice. People who would not have been in a such a situation. People who cannot understand because they have followed it in their own manner and not against their beliefs.People who think their belief is prescribed in books. People who have never looked within themselves. People who think children are a branch of the parent. People who followed the path and are scared that your thinking challenges their notion of life. Their notion of success, happiness and stability.

I have come to believe in this. Anything that you follow by rote is not what you believe. You cannot defend it because you actually do not know if you beleive in it.

Accusers say I am deserting my religion. My public act is definitely a powerful statement to say that if God exists, then he is one. But in the process, I have explored and tried to understand what it is that I want from religion. Or whether I want one at all. In the process, I have discovered convincing arguments for certain rituals and symbols.The problem is why cloak practices under something called a "Religion"? I want to say that I have adopted certain ways after experimenting with them. Even if the ways were initially propagated by some group, they dont belong there. Neither do I belong there because I chose to beleive in them -  not because it is advocated by that group but since I beleive in it as an individual.

Do the accusers know me - do they know what I believe in or not? What meets the eye are the public events that take place ten days a year. The other 355 days I live with my belief and the practices that I truly stand for. It is an impounding reality that my beliefs will be challenged. But I am willing to defend them because I know that my brain has logical chemicals to solve this equation. As an outcome, if logical conclusion was negative my belief would need to change.

It is not a comfortable place to be. Sometimes you wish you had followed that crowd. But I guess I have a brain that believes more in myself than others. Whoever or whatever this other is.

5 the Fight between Equality & Culture

Equality has several meanings but does it convey anything?

There are courses and lessons on this subject. Is it something to be learnt or should it come naturally? We can talk about this to children and students.

Tell them that men and women are created equal and should be treated equal.
What if the same child goes back home and sees his mom doing the cooking, serving guests, always eating after dad or sometimes with dad, running around, never stopping to do house work.
Is she employed? No. All housework can be justified saying husband earns, wife takes care of home. Not that it is a great excuse. But mom is employed but still she manages to do all work while dad comes back home and relaxes. No one even asks him to pick up what he dropped on the ground, or dry and fold the clothes nor get something from the shop.

Tell them that all men are equal.
What happens when they hear the racism news in Britain or when US is referred to as "First among Equals"? When you talk that you want only a Telugu brahmin for your son so that she can fit in the big happy Telugu family. Not any other brahmin - there are way too much differences. When you talk to your maid of 60 years without respect neither in language not your act.You speak for the reservation bill and fight for your OBC status though you have wealth that can be enjoyed by next 5 generations. There are still Kings, Masters, Upper-castes, Owners, Superiors and Godmen. Equally there are slaves, robots, shudras, workers and followers. Still white and foreign, black and untouchable, cigarette and bad men, fashionable dressing and rape-victims. 

Tell them that animals deserve equal and humane consideration.
But you ignore when an animal is bleeding on the road - could it have been saved? You overlook that dog-snatching vehicle even though you have seen horrendous pictures of dead piles lying together. You take your eyes off the chicken that hang from the motorcycle, their bodies dangling to the spokes and eyes fixated on death. 

How do you teach grown-ups 'respect for equality' when it goes against the 'respect for culture'? 

Every human being yearns for comfort - what is more comfortable? - Relaxing and watching TV or thinking about your mom/sister/wife (equivalent to your servants)?  And this comfort is protected by his very own Dadima who say men should do exactly that, relax, lest they become fragile.
According to culture, you need to get married within your caste. And Britain and US anyways are too westernized - obviously have fallen 'out' of culture - Racists.
And traditionally you are not supposed to keep dogs and pets. They are unclean.
A bahu is supposed to nurture the family, satisfy her son & produce Khaandan, and sometimes go to work and get money too. Meanwhile the son is supposed get money, all right, but thats it.The bahu needs to take care of in-laws and not the son taking care of his mother.

How do you strive for equality in one sense but completely oppose equality in another area?

Talk against reservation but expect 'lower-castes' to do certain work. Talk about being secular but call women a lesser gender. Do only some areas deserve you trying to balance the scales. What are the areas - gender, region, religion, creations, nationality - in which you fight for equality and what are the areas that you stomp on?

What do you do when your child sees this happening not at your place but at the neighbours? Do you tell them they are following wrong culture or our culture is different?
Do you manage to set a good example without being discriminating?

2 Religion - To each its own brand

Recently, Coke came out with a winter edition of its cola cans - Coca-cola in red fonts in a white background. Here is the link to see the cans - I like the polar bears on it.

This was the consumer's reaction
1. The coke in the white can tasted different from the original red can [Is there any logic here, or people consider themselves stupid enough to beleive this?]
2. Consumers got confused with the diet coke cans [One genuine reason. Coke should have thought about this a bit earlier]
3. People just thought the idea was ridiculous and unacceptable.[How humans cite reasons when there is no reason at all]

Somehow this episode resonates with what is happening in my life right now - the arguments, logic, rituals, god, temples, women slavery, pati-parameshwar - features of the grand brand/product called Religion. Any change or comment is exactly perceived in the same way as if I was condemning Coke.

Is Religion is a product? Each product is identified by its needs or creating needs in the market.

Here is how the concept called "Religion" developed into a "Product"

• Generate fear in human minds
• Answer all questions that arise out of fear in a mysterious way
• Unexplained phenomenon that was solved using science but was against religion will always be suppressed. Scientists had been ostracized, murdered and their ideas killed.
• Create a lot of confusing features - rules, rituals, traditions
• Identify target segments - species with weak minds, money-deprived, peace-deprived, money-cunning, power-thirsty
• Build accessible stores for sales, creating a social community [Facebook is so copying this idea!] 
• Step on anyone who challenges the rules and label them 'Offensive'. You will find the meaning here.

 And look at the excellent brand management. We should be given marketing classes based on this.

• High brand loyalty - Look at the number of followers
• Clear brand differentiation - Do you have any confusion between the different brands. Are you allowed to have any?
• Murderous competition among brands  - Anyone heard about Honor killings? Did I also hear it right - that peace was supposed to a feature?
• High brand value for all its ambassadors: Being religious has great value in the community. So, you would want to associate with the fashionable brand.
• High switching costs between brands - Can you take up your neighbor's religion? In all possibility, your family will abandon you. Tried an inter-faith marriage?

Has Religion kept up to its Brand promise?
Even if God created religion, any change of rules is considered blasphemous. It should be followed the way it was interpreted by men to suit their needs.  
Humans started believing in the brand promise and will continue to do so.

I rest my case.
1. Human beings are highly irrational
2. Even after the brand promise of each individual religion has failed, the brand becomes stronger each living day
3. You better stick to a brand, otherwise you will end up with no brand at all!

[Note: I respect people with other beliefs/opinions and as much expect others to do the same. This post does not intend to condemn any particular religion but rather bring out the idiosyncrasies of the idea itself.]

0 Safe(ci)ty for women

From the place where I board the office bus to my house, its hardly a 2 minute walk. Its a very busy road and it is a challenge to cross over when needed. One of the days, a young boy who must be around 16 years tried to grapple me when I was entering my house gate. Somehow I managed to wriggle out but my screaming was totally dampened by the traffic. There was so much anger that I wished that I had at least slapped him or kicked him. But it happened so fast that I had no time to react! From then on I am quite anxious when a motorcycle or a cyclist comes too near.

I have heard this from friends that Chennai is comparatively a safer city than Delhi and Bangalore.
But is this safety measured only on the number of rapes? Do women feel unsafe only because of rape? What about the stares that we get, the attitude with which men address you and the work culture at office? What about the innumerable instances when you feel helpless and wish you had some supernatural power to attack or curse a man?

I know that Delhi is pretty unsafe but when it comes to Bangalore its not so. I have lived in Bangalore and not had too many unpleasent experiences. I can dress the way I want and not too many people stare at me. There have been instances where men have misbehaved. But when it comes to Chennai, even if I am covered head to toe (extra toppings like duppatta are also added), men find enough reasons to make me feel that I am not covered at all.

There was this taxi guy who used to call out names everyday. He used to stop in front of the bus stand (I used to be all alone in the stop at that time) and lower the car windows and just look at me. I ignored this for another 2 months. But it gave me quite a scare when one day he got down from the car. That is when I informed my parents and my dad had to become my savior for the next few days. Its nothing embarrassing but I hate the fact that we need men to protect us from other men. When I am totally independent this thought arouses some kind of inadequacy.

Then there is office itself. You will find that women have to take pride in covering up. Women who dress in western formals or sleeveless are pulled by managers and advised on how to dress in a better manner. This is what they mean: As a women you are supposed to analyze your breasts and accordingly fold your dupatta in the right size and in a v-shape. This should be put across the shoulders and held using safety pins lest they expose your precious stuff. And if you dont do this you are giving permission to each and every man to ogle at them.It is their privilege since they are men. And you are being provocative.

I noticed the cafeteria lady today. She is using her dupatta like a pallu of a saree - going from the right shoulder onto her hips - similar to how you tie a dupatta during dance practice. But here she is just distributing tokens.

Throughout, the illusion of 'Safety' is provided because you use safety pins, dupattas and have men who accompany you everywhere. Despite all this, if something goes wrong, definitely its because of the woman who is careless in dressing and miss the daily dose of safety pins.

0 Gender-equality: a word with no Indian meaning

Sunday morning newspaper and the first headline snippet reads "The Unsafe sex".
As I read more, the story of the some Indian women and rape victims were creating some kind of helplessness in me. The state of women in India is disgusting, sad and hopeless.

In a rape case, the accused gives his justifications to the rape as "She used to talk on her phone about private matters in front of me. I felt if she's doing that, then she's become mine (Woh meri apni ho gayi)."
So Men actually OWN a women, it means you can sexually enjoy her without her consent . Its like owning a dog or better a toy that does not have any choices in life.
What private matters - what max could the girl have talked outside her place and what a decent value to eavesdrop on others and think they are stimulating?

And then we come to the family and the society support part - our Indian society, the culture, values and the family system protects us right?  Sure. That is why the blame game also finds the victim as the perpetrator of the crime - because she is too liberated and she has invited it all on herself. Parents are more bothered about the shame on the family and what to do with their daughter.

"Women have become more assertive and men are not able to accept that and use heinous ways to punish them.". Why have men suddenly become the justice-bearers especially in women issues?

It is also shocking that rapists have been known to the victims in 97% of the cases (reported ones). Women trust and this is the price they pay.

Another statistic shows that even though overall Indian economic wellness has increased that of women taken separately has reduced. The number is lesser than even countries like Pakistan. We are worse off than Afghanistan in representation of women in governments.  

What worsens the problem? Our most talked women problems.
Seeing marriage as the destination for women
Seeing women as Parent's burden and responsibility
Treating women as an object rather than a human being

The solution involves a turnover of mindset of lot of Indian men and women too. It has to start at home where boys and girls are treated equally, taught that house work needs to be shared and parents are equal responsibility. Kids can be caught early. There are books where the plot does suggest gender-neutral roles. Why not have a hour each month at school about gender-issues- based on some activities and real examples children can go a long way in teaching and correcting others at home too.  

Many corporates have mandatory training on Gender equality and sexual harassment. There are mailers sent on these but are these paid heed to? It would be great if corporates have appraisals linked to regular courses on gender-equality not only at workplace but also at home. After all, the wife at home is an employee somewhere. The husband needs to respect that and learn to balance the work-home equation.

Most bloggers would be aware of child abuse but have we taken the step to educate our children clearly about child abuse  - there are some special videos on You tube for this. Why not conduct a simple session for the neighborhood kids too - their parents might not be too aware or are too busy?

There is a lack of compassion and empathy in our minds towards women. Especially when it comes to women victims. Most of us feel that will never be 'Me'. Most of us do not take action unless we are the victims ourselves. Our small steps might help someone in the future to treat women right.

4 The "Cute and Innocent" reality

Reality shows have become a part of life with the entertainment industry banking on them completely for revenues. Any time of the day you can find people dancing, singing, cooking, debating - some with sense, some senseless - but definitely TRPs are soaring high.

Some participants have managed to become stars. Others have made their careers. They are a good avenues for talent search but not the only one. Stars and careers - shouldn't these words be associated with adult or max the teen phase - why childhood? Shows that involve children are nice to watch - lets say "Cute" (the most often word in these shows). But do these shows let the children participating and those watching it remain cute and innocent?

What do children gain and what do they lose? We can talk about a lot of positives - Children open up, gain confidence, become popular, start earning money. All of these qualities are admirable but are reality shows the only path. They are also learning that competing is good, very good. They need to be a winner no matter what. Winner here is only when you get the title. At that age, you cannot expect the child to be level-headed when parents themselves are out of tune. In the name of support, this is what happens.
Yesterday they showed a girl who was not selected and she ran out apparently upset with herself. Her entire family was there to support (really?) her outside. A minute passed and the camera zooms in on this family - her mom is screaming at her - "What is this aeeee.. aeee singing? I told you dont do it that way.. Look at what has happened" and the child clings to her dad even tighter. The level of maturity in the child seemed to be greater than the mother. Of course, the mother would have put a lot of effort into training and supporting her but is this the way to treat her when she herself is feeling let down?

How does the rejection play in the child's mind? Are we bothered?
 And who gave the network permission to amplify the emotions of a mother and child? Why should they play on this emotional spectacle? The manipulation and use of emotions - Is it any better than a saas-bahu story.

My cousin, who is all of 11 years old, already has it drilled down his brain that he must enter IIT. He is not allowed extra-curricular activities that are un-related. But he loves to attend CV Raman science institute classes twice a week. His parents are extremely proud becuase in these classes he gets to learn 9th class problems while he is in 5th. I dont understand what he will learn when he is in 9th - maybe some IIT course. Yes - parents are doing this because they want a good life for their child and want the best for him. Is joining IIT the best for him? According to society - a resounding YES. Why not a marine biologist or a doctor or an artist?

Ultimately, the shows and the child's career are a refection of what the parents want rather than what the child wants.

Would you force your child to participate in such shows?
Would you allow your child to do it because he wants to? How will you handle if the child is really dejected because of this - it requires an understanding between the child and parents. The child needs clear signals that his winning or not winning does not make a difference to you.

Parents of children who were not selected should pose in front of the camera and say "I am proud of her". Pride does not have anything to do with winning. Children do not owe it the parents to make them proud.

3 Making sense of society-approved marriages

Discriminations that percolate our lives are countless. Common ones when it comes to marriages are caste, religion, money, skin color and the Gender. These dividing factors hide behind the facade of religion, culture and even some scientific reasons like men are physically stronger than women. But such marriages are loved by our society - after all only because of their unabated approval do they thrive.

1.Forced marriage into wealthy family - with total parental approval 

Wealth makes this family highly-respected . You will realize that many of the conditions are dropped. Wealth overpowers caste and regional differences.

The girl(G) was in love with another guy for 6 years. The boy from this wealthy family notices her at some marriage and decides that she is the one. Goes back to his mom and the family decides to pock her as the DIL. Wait - it is more of a demand to the Girl's parents. But our G's parents are one with typical Indian values (Does Indian value tell you to ditch a person you love and get married to another?) Never mind. She is forced to give up on her love and agree to this marriage. She has a kid now and seems to be very happy. Recently when spotted in a wedding we couldn't differentiate between the gold and her:-).  

Is this a 'love at first sight' marriage? Atleast for the guy - physical love or maybe it was intuition or 'purva janma bandhan' at work.But lets dig a little deeper into the highly-respected family's relationships (conditions are totally relaxed.) The MIL has two husbands. So now, our G has 2 FILs. How lucky:). There is nothing wrong with polyandry- when men have so many wives and also mistresses at least the MIL has the audacity to legally marry both of them. But if this had been a love marriage scenario - can you even imagine the opposition that G would have faced. Here the only game-changer has been Money.

2. Arranged to finish parent's responsibilities

S got married at 23 not because she wanted to but her parent's wanted their duties to be done. Pakka arranged marriage. Now, she is 25 with a baby in hand. For the past 2 years, she has hardly spoken to any of her friends or family - even her own mom. She has restricted access to the outside world be it the internet or the telephone - her MIL is constantly monitoring. (Does't it sound like she has some health condition or is in Jail?). She confides to her friend last week that there are too many problems. Worst is her FIL misbehaving with her. And she has been strictly instructed by him that she should not share this with anyone. And who is going to believe her anyways - her MIL or her husband? They will be too concerned about preserving the family honor lest this issue leaks out. This is another kind of highly respected family.

3. Arranged but struggling to stay married
I have written about C in this post. She is pregnant now but with her husband having extra-marital affair and exchanging messages throughout the night. She will stay put there - the baby is due anytime. And its the rule that women have to adjust always.

Even in an choice marriages(Arranged/Love) these situations are possible but support sources are stronger. Either the lady has supportive parents (because they were in the right mind to let her choose) or best she has a supportive husband. Parents often say "If you marry according to our norms, we will always be there to support you" - what can parents do in these scenarios?
In these life snapshots, what is the Indian culture that we are upholding? What is it that irks people about a choice marriage? Why should elders decide everything - from the sex muhurtham to when to molest a DIL?

What is the use of family if women have to sacrifice everything - time, money, self-respect, love - to keep it in place?

4 The uncalled match-makers

I recently attended a wedding because someone had to accompany my mom. I usually avoid social gatherings especially marriage scenarios where I feel that I have been put on the showcase. Most people I met dint know me but were anxious to know about my marital status. And my toes are the most prized possessions during this quest - people expect you to wear the metti (toe ring) if you are married.

After my toe is scrutinized, I can see that they are facing some difficulty examining my neck. This is a huge task - after all the same group expects me to be wrapped in cloth head to toe. Second, the neck is covered by ornaments. The result is that the black beads or Golden mangalsutru is camouflaged. Finally, they see none of the wedlock indications. Still, this has to be verified thoroughly.

Person: Hello. How are you doing?
Me: I am doing good Uncle. How are you? (Not even in my dreams do I know this person. Nor am I interested! Excited "I am related to you" tone. Not good.)
Person: Good Good. So you are the bride's paternal Grand-mom's cousin's grand-daughter? You look so much like your mom.
Me: (Tired trying to understand the relation.. nevertheless trying to make my brain connect the dots. And this was really the relationship at this wedding!) Hmmmm
Person: So, what are you doing? Still studying?
Me: (Little happy - Do I look like I am still studying.Great I am looking younger. Yippee! Brakes... you know what this question is leading to) No Uncle. I work in an MNC doing "you cannot understand the work" job.
Person: Oh.. thats nice. My niece works in the same company. Do you know her? She works in Area5 in Chennai.
Me: (My company has a strength of 1 lakh +.. and how does it even matter? The conversation is entering the danger zone) No. I dont know her.
Person: Are you married?
Me: (So blatant.. who the f*** does he think he is, acting as a mediator or saviour to help poor me from singledom) No
Person: Are your parents looking for someone?
Me: (Can I say No? what does he expect? I am going to marry someone - you have a problem?) Yes
Person: We are looking for one of my nephews - He is blah blah. What is you birth year?
Me: 83. (Loved this part)
Person: (Trying hard to calculate my age.. after done his expression becomes a little tense.Oh! 83?
Me: We are leaving. Take care. (Abruptly I leave my seat and find one somewhere else)

The entire attitude of the couple changed. His wife joined in giving me a stare and in wondering why has the girl not yet been married? How can he ask a personal question in a crowd. Is this being decent? Who gave him the authority to question about my age? Society makes you feel inadequate and answerable for your intensely personal decisions.

I dint escape with one such conversation that day - there were 2 more which I deftly avoided. Most women get married because of this pressure and to avoid situations such as these. Most Indians cannot draw the line between a personal and a public issue. A marriage is a joint public decision - a long as it remains that way we can see a lot more volunteers plundering the system and its relationships.

0 If I can frame the Society's rules ulta-pulta

The title of the post is reminiscent of kid's essay topics like "If I were the Prime Minister" or "If I were the President of USA":). Days when you could run wild and your imagination can take your lead.

How different would the world be if rules were framed keeping women in mind or better advantageous to them? Here are some samples.

• A girl is born: Its celebration time.Girls should be treated like a Queen the moment they are born.
• Maturity: When women menstruate, men should be secluded in the room and provided meals when required. They should just isolate themselves and stop annoying women in the household. Women can definitely take care of themselves during this period not bothered about how to satisfy every man's need.
• When a guy ogles at a girl: Do you think this will be possible at all? But if at all it happens, women have every right to embarrass the guy. She can scream, slap right across his face and demand that he pay her in dollars. If not demand whatever she wants if caught. Its rule of the land that men cant escape - they have to pay back.
• When there is a rape: Again, do you think this can happen? But there will be exceptions. So here, if found guilty the women can right away kill the person if she wants it. The decision lies with the lady.
• Marriage: The girl gets to choose between staying with her family or independently. There is a huge amount of dowry involved when marrying an educated and 'lots of attitude' girl. This had to be paid by the grrom and conditions are set by the bride's family. "You need to get 3 sets of diamond necklaces for our daughter. 4 cars of the latest model should do. And make sure that your son knows to cook paneer sabzi and Aloo Bindi. She like them a lot." (Are we too far from such conversations?)
• Pregnancy: Husbands, you have a tough 10 months ahead. You need to go to office and take care at home - completely. Maybe, you should opt for work-from-home option.
• Children: Offices should have nurseries where men can take care of their children. The wife can choose to leave her child with the husband and just roam around or take care of her work.

If these were the rules, this is how daily life would be:

Ads in Matrimonial Column reads:
"Wanted groom for a Girl 5 ft 8, 28 yrs, Highly educated and independent. Groom should be a good cook, attended courses on emotional intelligence (EQ), should have mother/sisters/cousin sisters - highly educated and working moms, willing to work-at-home when needed"

Times Now Headlines reads:

Politics: Reservation Bill to be passed today by the house
The Progress party (Congress seems to be a con. Since women are in power they would have changed it to a pro) and the BMP (Bharatiya Mahila party) have voted in favor of the reservation bill. This will allow men to show restricted participation in running the country ('Restricted' is better than 'Equal').Over the period of 20 years, the dwindling population of men and their misbehavior has ensured that very few have reached the peak in politics. This was closed in by the law passed during the Progress party tenure which states "An MP should have basic qualifications (degree in law, education, medicine, social service or experience in any relevant field)" - Since most men are not encouraged by parents to study, many have not reached this level. The Bill aims to reserve 20% of the seats for eligible male citizens who are really interested in building the nation.

National: Sex Ratio in Uttar Pradesh
7th billion baby 'Nargis Vinita' was born today in Lucknow, Uttar Pradesh to proud parents Vinita and Ajay. The nation is overjoyed by the fact that this number has been associated with the female child which represents the power of India. Over the years, mothers have ensured that their children are born equally and hence deserve life equally. This is seen from the numbers in UP's sex ratio. It has improved considerably from 899:1000(M:F) to the current figure of 968:1000 (M:F).

Careers: Men are worried about Bottle Casings
A recent research reveals that in the corporate world, women outnumber men in key positions. The representation of men in the board is a meager 10% in the Fortune 500 companies. Ever since the realization that women are better at decision making, handling complexity and emotional situations their rise to the top has been phenomenal. On the other hand, the popular notion about men has been that they worry too much about competing rather that working together, rely on numbers rather than intuition and are incapable of juggling between home life and work. Their constant struggle to climb the corporate ladder has been constricted by the Bottle Casing. Lots of men work at lower level (inside the bottle) but are unable to prove their worth to be at the top to make it big in the outside world.