5 Mumma's holiday homework

In school I used to look forward to the summer holidays. Two months of unlimited time to do anything we want.
- to cycle around the streets aimlessly, to play with choppu with friends (miniature toys made out of wood, stone or plastic), play shuttle cock on the ruggedy road and stare at people crossing the play area because the game has to stop in between, to read mystery novels (Agastha Christie, Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, Enid Blyton), and go to Delhi to stay with grand-mom for around three weeks.

But there was one constant reminder that the fun time is limited. That at the end of it I (mainly my mom) have to portray that something useful has been learnt while enjoying the break - a concept similar to an extended working lunch I guess - the "Holiday Homework"

During this December holidays I noticed that the tradition continues, with my cousin bringing ten assignment sheets home, one for each subject. She deftly segregated the sheets and handed some to my aunt.

"Amma, you need to get a drawing note for this and like last time mam has specified ten sceneries. Just draw what you want. And look at the history assignment - buy those picture sheets and paste them like a scrap book". I knew my mami was good artist - her home is decorated with some of her paintings. So I asked my cousin, "Does that mean mami draws better and you will get excellent grades?". Not at all. Seems the drawing teacher would just browse through the pages and decorate it with a customary tick mark. All that effort and what you get is a tick mark with some random grade.

The other subjects had some problems to be solved and essays to be written - to some extent acceptable.

But why Holiday homework - what is the need? Are the teachers scared the the child will lose its interest in studies in 2 months or forget something like school ( and teachers) existed?

What does a child learn by drawing 10 pictures? What impression is formed of the system and the teachers when the evaluation is a mockery and children realize this?

Moms out there - Let your experience speak.

5 the Fight between Equality & Culture

Equality has several meanings but does it convey anything?

There are courses and lessons on this subject. Is it something to be learnt or should it come naturally? We can talk about this to children and students.

Tell them that men and women are created equal and should be treated equal.
What if the same child goes back home and sees his mom doing the cooking, serving guests, always eating after dad or sometimes with dad, running around, never stopping to do house work.
Is she employed? No. All housework can be justified saying husband earns, wife takes care of home. Not that it is a great excuse. But mom is employed but still she manages to do all work while dad comes back home and relaxes. No one even asks him to pick up what he dropped on the ground, or dry and fold the clothes nor get something from the shop.

Tell them that all men are equal.
What happens when they hear the racism news in Britain or when US is referred to as "First among Equals"? When you talk that you want only a Telugu brahmin for your son so that she can fit in the big happy Telugu family. Not any other brahmin - there are way too much differences. When you talk to your maid of 60 years without respect neither in language not your act.You speak for the reservation bill and fight for your OBC status though you have wealth that can be enjoyed by next 5 generations. There are still Kings, Masters, Upper-castes, Owners, Superiors and Godmen. Equally there are slaves, robots, shudras, workers and followers. Still white and foreign, black and untouchable, cigarette and bad men, fashionable dressing and rape-victims. 

Tell them that animals deserve equal and humane consideration.
But you ignore when an animal is bleeding on the road - could it have been saved? You overlook that dog-snatching vehicle even though you have seen horrendous pictures of dead piles lying together. You take your eyes off the chicken that hang from the motorcycle, their bodies dangling to the spokes and eyes fixated on death. 

How do you teach grown-ups 'respect for equality' when it goes against the 'respect for culture'? 

Every human being yearns for comfort - what is more comfortable? - Relaxing and watching TV or thinking about your mom/sister/wife (equivalent to your servants)?  And this comfort is protected by his very own Dadima who say men should do exactly that, relax, lest they become fragile.
According to culture, you need to get married within your caste. And Britain and US anyways are too westernized - obviously have fallen 'out' of culture - Racists.
And traditionally you are not supposed to keep dogs and pets. They are unclean.
A bahu is supposed to nurture the family, satisfy her son & produce Khaandan, and sometimes go to work and get money too. Meanwhile the son is supposed get money, all right, but thats it.The bahu needs to take care of in-laws and not the son taking care of his mother.

How do you strive for equality in one sense but completely oppose equality in another area?

Talk against reservation but expect 'lower-castes' to do certain work. Talk about being secular but call women a lesser gender. Do only some areas deserve you trying to balance the scales. What are the areas - gender, region, religion, creations, nationality - in which you fight for equality and what are the areas that you stomp on?

What do you do when your child sees this happening not at your place but at the neighbours? Do you tell them they are following wrong culture or our culture is different?
Do you manage to set a good example without being discriminating?

0 Marriage Market - Harnessing Parent's fear

Advertisements always address the emotional need of the audience. It is not enough to merely talk that Complan is a great, nutritious drink - it is not enough if you just say that it contains Vitamin A, B, C, D, E, K, M (yet to discover) and all the minerals. All these letters do not connect to the common man. But when it shows that your child feels inferior because of his height AND because the other child is taller because he drinks Complan - it connects to you - it hits hard on your brain that your child is feeling bad and you need to compensate immediately with Complan - Call for action.

This is the Call-for-action to parents who have children in Marriageable age
Commercial for a matrimonial website. A dad sees his daughter leave with a guy on bike and he immediately loses it. [The guy is shown with unruly long hair which translates into not from a good family]. He discusses this with the mom who both blame each other for not finding a quick match for the daughter. They have no doubts in their mind that she is planning to elope and marry this guy. Ahh.. and look at those relaxed faces when they discover the website - a quick way of being/making  a bakra.

Lesson 1:
Try to find a groom for your daughter as soon as you think she is ready for marriage - this can be from 14 years to 25. If you do not do that, she is going to run away and marry a crazy man definitely. She cannot make a good choice with the priority being family tradition and culture.
Lesson 2:
You daughter cannot travel with other men on bike. Definitely these are not her friends. How can she have genuine guy friends? We are telling you, she is tricking your clan. Be careful.

While waiting at the train station at 4'o clock in the morning. Most people around are drowsy and falling off their seats trying to catch some interrupted sleep. You hear this screeching voice "Muhurtha pattu" - Bridal 7. And the ad keeps repeating 100 times. I am left wondering as to who in this crowd is so interested to look at sarees at this time of the day. There is so much emphasis on the wedding day and its rituals and when you are someone who has dared to step out of the madness you will be made to feel wasted.
Lesson 3: 
Sarees and gold make daughters do crazy things. They will agree to even get married to "whom so ever" of your choice and perform all the rituals to get the mad bonding done.

Another Saree commercial:
Here the bride herself explains the seven part marriage. You can clearly see she represents the majority of Indian women - prides in going the arranged marriage way with her parent's blessings (!), follows all traditions and finally believes in a fairy-tale wedding and am sure expects life to be like that too.
Lesson 4: Its a reinforcement of Lesson 3. Dont you still get it? Hurry up.

The ads are a reflection of the MAT.
Marriage age Threshold (MAT): Applicable only for women and set by the marriage market. Girl's worth in the market is indirectly proportional to her age.
5 - 18 - Highly suitable for marriage and other activities too
18-24 - Ripe time for marriage and to start producing lineage
>25 years -  Not yet married? Shady character, less worthy because genitals are old. Higher dowry for compensation.
> 30 - Forget it unless the girl is another name for dollars

[Edited to add this video of a really funny arranged marriage setting. Wish girls had the liberty to make guys perform different acts and choose given sufficient time. Sad part is even now in India, its the other way round. Girls perform all tricks to impress guy's parents. Note it: Not necessarily to impress the guy]

0 Kids, marriage and curiosity

Some incidents you cant forget. These moments always brings a smile on my face - either the embarrassment, the genuineness or the innocence.

One time when I was in Delhi, I was chatting with my 6 year old cousin. Her mom had told me that she is not concentrating on studies and getting low grades. I was speaking to her about school and the subjects that she likes, the teachers she adored et all. We came to the grades part. I am not the one who believes that a child has to do well in studies to manage in life - so I was not going to advice her with a lie. When I asked her what was the reason that she had no interest in three of the subjects, this was the reply "Akka, whats the use of studying what I dont like? Anyways whatever I study, earn, do at last I need to get married and settle down with my husband". ;-)

Years back, 4 of us, cousins, were huddled together - 2 of around 10 years age, me and my another male cousin of 17years - discussing some astrological signs. Suddenly, the 10 year old asks - "What is a virgin?". We look at each other and tell her "A person born in the virgo sign is a virgin". She says no, that is not what I meant. I read in all these books about being a virgin. Again, there is a strange silence. My male cousin looks at me and tells her "She will explain to you later" with a huge smile!

When I was a kid, my mom's explanation to me about making babies was "Guy and Girl get married.As soon as marriage is over - you get a baby". Sweet and Simple. So in all movies, my idea of happy ending was marriage and the baby!

Another time, my cousin and I, who were about the same age of 12, were discussing secretly about sex. After making some absurd conclusions, my cousin asked me "I dont understand one thing. Cant an older woman have sex with a younger man?". Me, trying to tap all my intelligence, replied vehemently "Ya ya. It should be possible." Then she asks me "Why do they stress that we should get married to an older man? I should ask mom" . ;-). Great thought process. Now, she is married to a person a year younger to her.

All you moms out there will be having a great time with your kids and their ideas. I wonder how these explanations have evolved now:) ? Do you manage to get embarrassed or give a satisfactory answer to them?

4 The "Cute and Innocent" reality

Reality shows have become a part of life with the entertainment industry banking on them completely for revenues. Any time of the day you can find people dancing, singing, cooking, debating - some with sense, some senseless - but definitely TRPs are soaring high.

Some participants have managed to become stars. Others have made their careers. They are a good avenues for talent search but not the only one. Stars and careers - shouldn't these words be associated with adult or max the teen phase - why childhood? Shows that involve children are nice to watch - lets say "Cute" (the most often word in these shows). But do these shows let the children participating and those watching it remain cute and innocent?

What do children gain and what do they lose? We can talk about a lot of positives - Children open up, gain confidence, become popular, start earning money. All of these qualities are admirable but are reality shows the only path. They are also learning that competing is good, very good. They need to be a winner no matter what. Winner here is only when you get the title. At that age, you cannot expect the child to be level-headed when parents themselves are out of tune. In the name of support, this is what happens.
Yesterday they showed a girl who was not selected and she ran out apparently upset with herself. Her entire family was there to support (really?) her outside. A minute passed and the camera zooms in on this family - her mom is screaming at her - "What is this aeeee.. aeee singing? I told you dont do it that way.. Look at what has happened" and the child clings to her dad even tighter. The level of maturity in the child seemed to be greater than the mother. Of course, the mother would have put a lot of effort into training and supporting her but is this the way to treat her when she herself is feeling let down?

How does the rejection play in the child's mind? Are we bothered?
 And who gave the network permission to amplify the emotions of a mother and child? Why should they play on this emotional spectacle? The manipulation and use of emotions - Is it any better than a saas-bahu story.

My cousin, who is all of 11 years old, already has it drilled down his brain that he must enter IIT. He is not allowed extra-curricular activities that are un-related. But he loves to attend CV Raman science institute classes twice a week. His parents are extremely proud becuase in these classes he gets to learn 9th class problems while he is in 5th. I dont understand what he will learn when he is in 9th - maybe some IIT course. Yes - parents are doing this because they want a good life for their child and want the best for him. Is joining IIT the best for him? According to society - a resounding YES. Why not a marine biologist or a doctor or an artist?

Ultimately, the shows and the child's career are a refection of what the parents want rather than what the child wants.

Would you force your child to participate in such shows?
Would you allow your child to do it because he wants to? How will you handle if the child is really dejected because of this - it requires an understanding between the child and parents. The child needs clear signals that his winning or not winning does not make a difference to you.

Parents of children who were not selected should pose in front of the camera and say "I am proud of her". Pride does not have anything to do with winning. Children do not owe it the parents to make them proud.